LIFE after Divorce or Separation

Isaiah 61
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners
  • God does not encourage nor enjoy division. He is not in favor of broken fellowship. He is God of unity.
  • God is not the author of destruction.
  • Divorce - release a commitment that you had made for life. When you come into marriage, there is a war on to destroy you. Satan instigates everything to destroy it. We commit to each other to defend each other for life. Divorce is thus apostasy. 
    • Promises are made to humans - vows are made to God. A vow is unto death. (Eccl.2). Built into a vow is the penalty. My making a vow, it allows God to judge you if you break it.
  • Marriage is not made for divorce.

Separation
  • If you are not able to handle the effects of a divorce/separation, you will eventually die.
  • A key problem with divorce/separation is denial. Healing starts with acceptance.
Psalm 43:5
Why are you so downcast oh my soul, why so disturbed within me?

  • Depression is a result of disappointed expectations.
How to Recover from Divorce/Separation
  1. Where are you in your recovery? Did you avoid it (emotionally and mentally). This is avoiding it.
  2. Others escape it by getting into another relationship too quick. There is no escape from the real feelings of trauma. The best way to deal with it is look at it straight into the eye.
  3. Denial. Mentally block it and assume it didn't happen.
  4. Acceptance. Others accept and deal with it.















Kingdom Citizenship: Success Laws of Marriage


  • We want to rediscover the authority of the marriage covenant.
  • We are citizens of the Kingdom/Nation of God. As citizens, we must obey the laws of our Country.

The Paradox of Marriage
  • Marriage is the greatest attraction and distraction in life. It can enhance or destroy your destiny.
  • The most beautiful and dangerous thing in life is Marriage.
  • The greatest source of joy and frustration is Marriage.
  • Is the greatest dream but could also be a nightmare.
  • Is the greatest source of hope and fear.
Marriage is an option given by God.


The Divine Option
  1. Marriage was created by God.
  2. It is a divine product.
  3. It is a divine option. You should be preoccupied fulfilling God's will other than spending time chasing the prospect of marriage.
  4. It is not necessary to fulfill God's purpose for your life.
  5. It is a choice and not mandatory.
  • Your education does not equip you for marriage.

The First Kingdom Institution
  1. Marriage was the first institution God created.
  2. The foundation of this institution is the single person.
  3. Kingdom relationships are regulated by the standards of Heaven.
  4. A successful marriage is only possible within Kingdom culture. 
  • Cleave means to chase. Cleave to your wife - not just chase the woman and stop once she is married. Keep chasing her, learning her, with no one else in front of you. She is the only one you are to chase.
  • The two shall become one flesh. This implies process.

Marriage-Foundational Institution
  1. Marriage pre-dates all other institutions.
  2. Marriage is the first foundation of the family.
  3. Marriage is God's ideal context for human social development and relationship.
  4. A nation is a collection of communities, which is a collection of families which is a product of marriage.
  5. Destruction of marriage is the destruction of a nation.
  6. Marriage is the context for successful human relationships intimately. You should only be intimate in marriage. Marriage is a safety net. He brought them together because he desired a godly offspring. Marriage is not for the people in it, it's for the product it produces.
The Principle to Marriage
  1. A successful marriage has little to do with love.
  2. Love does not guarantee success in marriage.
  3. Love brings happiness but it does not make marriage work.
  4. The thing that makes marriage work is [applied] knowledge.
  5. Success depends not on what we know or what we feel.
What is Marriage
  1. Marriage - "gameo" - "gem" - TO FUSE TOGETHER.
  2. GEMS - diamonds, sapphires, rubies, emeralds are all products heat, pressure, time and fusion.
  3. Marriage is the fusion of two distinct human elements into one. True marriage doesn't become weak under pressure, it becomes stronger.

Outcast

"I swear from the bottom of my heart I want to be healed. I want to be like other men, not this outcast whom nobody wants."
E.M. Forster

The Media Mandate of the Kingdom

  1. There is nothing on earth as powerful as the human will. Even God cannot control it. The very nature of a will implies self control.
  2. The will controls the destiny of man. God intended to use the will of man for His will. The will however gives man the power to choose.
  3. The seat of the will is the conscious and the unconscious mind. The conscious mind feeds (downloads into) the unconscious mind. The key is to get something into the subconscious mind.
  4. As a man thinks in his heart (sub-conscious mind), so is he. You are whatever is in your subconscious mind. Whoever controls your heart controls your life. Out of the heart comes forth the issues of life. 
  5. The mind is defined as the heart. It determines the future and the destiny of a man. You are the sum total of the choices you make every day. You become what you are continually  hearing. You become what you are continually seeing.
    • The issue is: how do you clean a hard drive? Born all over again. You gotta buy another program. Keep hearing and hearing 
  6. It is a battle for the soul.  The mind is the center of the soul. The soul consists of the mind, will and emotions. The battle in life is for the soul of man. He that wins souls is wise.
  7. The soul is the first component of media created by God. It mediates between the spirit and the body.
  8. The soul receives from the senses and deposits into the spirit.
  9. The soul feeds the spirit and also receives from the spirit.
    • The only way to be completely free of any habit is to have a replacement of habits. Download new information.

The Purpose of God in All This!
  1. Man is a spirit, lives in a body and possesses a soul.
  2. Whoever controls the soul rules the man. 
  3. The original purpose of God was to rule the seen world from the unseen.
  4. The soul is God's media for Kingdom ruler-ship. I wish above all things that you prosper, even as your soul prospers.
  5. The Kingdom of God is in the heart (soul). If it can't get into man's soul, it can never get into the earth. The first attention of Jesus was on repent.
  6. God is battling for my soul. So is Satan.
    • *Emotions

Media - Medium
  • "This isn't entertainment it is containment."
  • Medium/media is that which stands between the source and the object.
  • It means to mediate. Jesus Christ is the Mediator between God and Man.
  • Media can pervert, corrupt, clarify or protect the message.
  • The media controls what the message recipient gets.
  • Lev.20:27

























Waiting and Dating-Part 1

  • Habits and attitudes established during the dating years generally carry over into marriage.
Principles of Dating Readiness
  1. You are not ready to date until you are fully aware of both the benefits and the dangers of dating. Human beings interact with each other in the spiritual, soulical and physical dimensions. Healthy relationships should always begin at the spiritual and intellectual levels - the levels of purpose, motivation, interests, dreams and personality. The physical dimension is the least important.
  2. A good understanding of God's standards for relationships. This requires a certain degree of spiritual maturity.
    • There are only 2 choices: either you will follow God's standards by deliberate choice, or you will follow the world's standards by default. Unless you plan ahead to keep yourself pure on a date, you probably won't.
    • Dating is no place for trial and error.
  3. Resolve in your spirit that you will not lower or compromise God's standards for any reason, even if it means losing dates. Standing firm on what you believe is a sign of both spiritual and emotional maturity. There are no second-class areas of life to God. He is after your best. He wants you to obey Him, follow His Word, and stand firmly on His standards. Anything less and you cannot expect to receive His best.
  4. YOU ARE READY TO DATE WHEN YOU DON'T NEED TO
    • If you feel that you need a date in order to be complete or fulfilled personally, you are not ready for dating. Need involves demand and implies that there is something lacking in life. As long as you perceive lack or incompleteness within yourself, every relationship you enter will be, to one degree or another, an effort to supply that lack or bring a sense of completeness.
    • You are ready to date only to the extent that you feel whole and complete within yourself, apart from any other person (except God). When you regard dating as a matter of choice rather than necessity, you are ready.
    • Before Eve came along, Adam was alone, but he was not lonely. Loneliness is a spiritual disease. Adam was alone because he was the only one of his kind, but he was completely fulfilled as a person. In tending the garden he had meaningful work to do. In his authority over the living creatures, he was exercising his God-given dominion over the created order. He enjoyed full and open fellowship with his Creator.
    • The time you are most prepared for dating is when you don't need anyone to complete you, fulfill you or instill in you a sense of worth or purpose. You are ready to date when you have first learned how to be single.

Certainty

In the midst of crisis, difficulty and uncertainty we must live in a place of strength, certainty and enhanced prophetic sight.
~ Scott Webster

Waiting


Those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint.

The Battle is Not Yours

Thousands and thousands of years ago,
God's people prepared a test;
As the Ammonites and the Moabites
Decended; destruction their quest.

But Jehoshophat saw the problem,
And we read from God's precious Word
That Jehoshophat prepared a fast,
And prepared to seek the Lord.

And all the people, young and old
Gathered together that day
And humbled themselves before the Lord,
As Jehoshophat started to pray.

He lifted his voice in remembrance,
Recalling the days of 'ore;
And promised that God would keep His Word
As always He'd done before.

And finally, in utter abandonment.
He spoke these words so true:
"We have no might against them, Lord,
Nor know we what to do!"

Then, from the very lips of God,
There came these words sublime:
"Be not afraid, beloved,
The battle's not yours; it's Mine!"

"No need to fight, beloved,
Here is all you need to do:
Just take your place; stand still, and see
Your God will fight for you."

So they bowed their heads and worshipped,
And appointed men to sing;
Not to fight God's battles,
But let His praises ring.

"Here comes the enemy"; they cried;
"Let ever voice be raised!"
God's people started to shout and sing,
And lifted their hearts in praise.

And when their lips in praises sang
Lo, then, the job was done.
For God, at the sound of their voices, fought
And at once, the battle was won.

Now what about you, dear Christian,
In your heart have you seen the light?
Have you yet come to understand,
The battle's not yours to fight?

That all your precious Jesus
Is longing for you to do,
Is to set yourself, stand still, and see
That he can live through you.

The battle's not ours--- Oh, shout it!
The battle's not ours to win.
The battle belongs to Jesus,
And Jesus will reign from within.

Acknowledge you cannot do it,
And begin to sing and to praise,
And God will begin to fight for you
As you but acknowledge His ways.

No, the battle's not ours, beloved
The battle belongs to the Son
The battle's not ours; but the victory's ours;
And the victory's already won!!!!

By Russell Kelfer

Booklet 904-b
The Battle Is Not Yours; But God's

Eternity

Apart from Christ,
nothing matters.

We think that health matters,
or knowledge,
or art
or civilization.

And but for one insistent word,
they would matter indeed.

That word is
Eternity.

A. W. Tozer

Parade of the Ages

"It will cost something to walk slow in the parade of the ages, while excited men of time rush about confusing motion with progress. But it will pay in the long run and the true Christian is not much interested in anything short of that."

A. W. Tozer

Temptations

@CSLewisDaily: 1/2 "A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later." #CSLewis

@CSLewisDaily: 2/2  ".That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in." #CSLewis

Reflecting Character in the Kingdom-2

  1. Character is the very essence of God. He is the same yesterday today and forever. Am I? 
  2. God boasts that He never changes. That is why we can trust Him. He is stable. He says heaven and earth may pass away but His word will never pass away. He would sacrifice the universe before breaking His word.
    • A good man swears to his own hurt.
    • The first thing God gave man was not dominion but image. Character is more important than power. Do you have the character to contain the anointing of God? Power will kill you without character. God's priority is Character. Character is necessary before dominion. God is more concerned about my character than my dominating the earth. Character is God's prerequisite for dominion and ruler-ship. Character is God's foundation for Leadership.
  • Three things will test your character:
    1. Power;
    2. Money;
    3. Access to Sex.
    • Given any or all of the above, a person's character or lack of it manifests.
  • Am I gonna make it to the End? The race is not to the swift... it is to the one who endures to the end. Will I still be around, 10 years from now? Will I still be the same person? Will I outlive every storm and hurricane? Will I be still standing, when every temptation has passed?
  • The only way to test character is by temptation. 
    • Temper is to test for weakness. You will never have a time in your life when you are without temptation. Temptation will constantly be in my life to monitor my character.
    • Your character is as strong as the temptation you fall for.
    • Eve wanted to be like God i.e. Power.
    • Satan will only test you with what you already are. So the greatest danger is ignorance of self. You cannot tempt me to be what I know I already am.
    • Ignorance will make you disbelieve yourself.
  • God gave character before power.
    • I am a king just like my Father. My territory is on earth. God knew that without character the power will 
    • Power does not corrupt. Power simply reveals corruption. You were already defective. You finally got a chance to show it. Power is pure
  • The fall of man distorted the Image of God. Man became a defective character. His self worth fell. He didn't know what he was worth anymore.
  • The principle trait of fallen man is unpredictability.
    • You cannot predict a sinner. You don't know what he gonna do next.
  • I am gonna get rid of things that can destroy my character. 
  • All I have built could be destroyed in 5 seconds.
  • I am as safe as my character!
  • Morality is a product of my values. Morals inform ethics.
  • You don't lead out of your position. You lead out of your life.

Source of Values

Great is Thy Faithfulness


Reflecting Character in the Kingdom-1

  • Principles are laws. They never change.
  • "The secret to my success (as a teacher) is that I only teach principles." You can never disagree with a principle. 
  • A person with character does not live on what is popular. They live on what is principled.
  • Character is that which is unchanging. 
  • Am I the same person all the time? Am I consistent? Am I predictable?
  • Leaders must have character. People will not follow you if they don't trust you. Character attracts loyalty.

Defining Character
  1. Character is commitment to a set of values without compromise. Your values will protect you.
  2. Character is dedication to a set of standards without wavering. My standards produce my character. I will never violate my standards. There is no excuse in life for breaking standards.
  3. Character is self-imposed discipline for the sake of moral convictions. A person of character locks themselves up in the prison of their own convictions and throw away the key. They police themselves.
    • Your future depends on your character, not  your charisma.
    • The only thing that can protect your gift and talent is your character.
  4. Character is a constant effort to integrate one's words and deeds.
    • Integrate means to become one.
  5. Character is sacrifice for principles.
    • Who are you with, that you shouldn't be with?
    • What are you doing, in secret, that you shouldn't be doing? Are you willing to sacrifice that to protect your principles?
  6. Character is simply integrity.
    • Integrity means that you are ONE with yourself.
    • Holy: the root word for holy is One. The Hebrew concept for holiness is integrity. The number one confession about God is that The Lord our God, the Lord is One! Holiness means I'm integrated. I am One. I am not multi-personality.
    • Be One. Stop being a hypocrite.
    • The foundation for trust is integrity. When you are one, people eventually trust you.
    • Don't be attracted to charisma. Seek out character.
    • If what you teach does not work for you, it shouldn't be taught.
    • Lead with your life. Your life is the weight of your words.
    • There is no such thing as a personal life. There is no such thing as a private life. What I do in private is my family's and my community's business.
    • A person of character doesn't need to talk:
      • Nelson Mandela went to prison for close to three decades and never changed his conviction.
    • Fathers, do not exasperate your children.
      • Exasperate: frustrate because of instability.
    • Character protects your words.

Image before dominion. (Gen.1:26).
  • Everyone is born to lead, not just people, but in an area of gifting. Your gifting attracts people. 
  • Your gift makes room for you and will bring you before kings. 
    • You can have a PhD and not know your gift.
    • Many educated people didn't finish school. Bill Gates and Steve Jobbs found their gift.
  • Your culture trains you to find a job, not to find your gift. You are 50 and still don't know why you were born.
  • Your gift is your leadership fruit. When a fruit tree bears a fruit, it never brings the fruit to you. You are attracted to the tree. True leaders never seek followers! Followers are attracted to true leaders. They are not attracted to the person/individual. They are coming to the fruit. 

Lead Me to the Cross




Savior I come
Quiet my soul remember
Redemption's hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss

[Chorus:]
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

You were as I
Tempted and trialed
Human
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen

Everything I once held dear
I count it all as loss

[Chorus]

To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart


[Chorus]

Principles of an Eagle

PRINCIPLE 1

Eagles fly alone at high altitude and not with sparrows or other small birds. No other bird can got to the height of the eagle. Stay away from sparrows and ravens. Eagles fly with Eagles


PRINCIPLE 2

Eagles have strong vision. They have the ability to focus on something up to five kilometers away.
When an eagle sites his prey, he narrows his focus on it and set out to get it. No matter the obstacles, the eagle will not move his focus from the prey until he grabs it.

Have a vision and remain focused no matter what the obstacle and you will succeed.


PRINCIPLE 3

Eagles do not eat dead things. They feed only on fresh prey. Vultures eat dead animals, but eagles will not.

Be careful with what you feed your eyes and ears with, especially in movies and on TV. Steer clear of outdated and old information. Always do your research well.


PRINCIPLE 4

Eagles love the storm. When clouds gather, the eagles get excited. The eagle uses the storm’s wind to lift it higher. Once it finds the wind of the storm, the eagles uses the raging storm to lift him above the clouds. This gives the eagle an opportunity to glide and rest its wings. In the meantime, all the other birds hide in the leaves and branches of the trees.

We can use the storms of life to rise to greater heights. Achievers relish challenges and use them profitably.


PRINCIPLE 5

The Eagle tests before it trusts. When a female eagle meets a male and they want to mate, she flies down to earth with the male pursuing her and she picks a twig. She flies back into the air with the male pursuing her. Once she has reached a height high enough for her, she lets the twig fall to the ground and watches it as it falls. The male chases after the twig. The faster it falls, the faster he chases it. He has to catch it before it falls to the ground. He then brings it back to the female eagle.
The female eagle grabs the twig and flies to a higher altitude and then drops the twig for the male to chase. This goes on for hours, with the height increasing until the female eagle is assured that the male eagle has mastered the art of catching the twig which shows commitment. Then and only then, will she allow him to mate with her.

Whether in private life or in business, one should test commitment of people intended for partnership.


PRINCIPLE 6

When ready to lay eggs, the female and male eagle identify a place very high on a cliff where no predators can reach. The male flies to earth and picks thorns and lays them on the crevice of the cliff, then flies to earth again to collect twigs which he lays in the intended nest. He flies back to earth and picks thorns laying them on top of the twigs. He flies back to earth and picks soft grass to cover the thorns. When this first layering is complete the male eagle runs back to earth and picks more thorns, lays them on the nest; runs back to get grass it on top of the thorns, then plucks his feathers to complete the nest. The thorns on the outside of the nest protect it from possible intruders. Both male and female eagles participate in raising the eagle family. She lays the eggs and protects them; he builds the nest and hunts. During the time of training the young ones to fly, the mother eagle throws the eaglets out of the nest. Because they are scared, they jump into the nest again.
Next, she throws them out and then takes off the soft layers of the nest, leaving the thorns bare When the scared eaglets again jump into the nest, they are pricked by thorns. Shrieking and bleeding they jump out again this time wondering why the mother and father who love them so much are torturing them. Next, mother eagle pushes them off the cliff into the air. As they shriek in fear, father eagle flies out and catches them up on his back before they fall and brings them back to the cliff. This goes on for sometime until they start flapping their wings. They get excited at this new-found knowledge that they can fly.

The preparation of the nest teaches us to prepare for changes; The preparation for the family teaches us that active participation of both partners leads to success; The being pricked by the thorns tells us that sometimes being too comfortable where we are may result into our not experiencing life, not progressing and not learning at all. The thorns of life come to teach us that we need to grow, get out of the nest and live on. We may not know it but the seemingly comfortable and safe haven may have thorns.

The people who love us do not let us languish in sloth but push us hard to grow and prosper. Even in their seemingly bad actions they have good intentions for us.


PRINCIPLE 7

When an Eagle grows old, his feathers become weak and cannot take him as fast as he should. When he feels weak and about to die, he retires to a place far away in the rocks. While there, he plucks out every feather on his body until he is completely bare. He stays in this hiding place until he has grown new feathers, then he can come out.

We occasionally need to shed off old habits & items that burden us without adding to our lives.

The Storm

Some people are made better by adversity while others are destroyed. When the storm came, the house built on sand was destroyed while that build on a rock stayed. The storms came to the two of them so the one that fell did not fall because of the storm. The storm only came to reveal the foundation. Storms of life come to everyone and some are swept away and some stand. The difference is our foundation. Your foundation will determine what happens when things don't go as planned.

Foundation
The interesting thing about foundation is that it is not visible. Hence, anyone can appear to be strong when things are okay but depth is revealed in adversity. Depth is more than accumulating academic knowledge. It is a knowing of the heart.

Belief
Until what you believe is challenged you will not really know if you believe it. The test of a relationship is in the tough times. The best relationships are not characterized by the absence of conflict but rather in the ability to come back after each conflict - better and stronger.

Building Foundations

  • Discourage cracks. Cracks are adjustable standards. If when the going gets tough you take short cuts and compromise you are creating cracks in your foundation. If you compromise on the small things, you are setting yourself up for compromising in the big things. 
  • The creation of a facade that presents who you are not is a dangerous place to be. "I would rather you hate me for who I am than love me for who I am not."
  • To build your foundation you must consolidate your confidence in your person and not in your position or title. True power does not need titles to reign. 
  • Confidence in who God made you is key to staying focused in times of adversity. There is more to you than you are experiencing. The vision of my future is greater than the pain of my experience. Hard times come and go but the strong get stronger.
Words become deeds and deeds become destinies.

Crisis

"Crisis facilitates identity. It is impossible to separate our journey towards correct identity from the circumstances that surround us."
Excerpt from AoE

I Need You


The Power of Kingdom Faith

Keys to Building a Stable Faith

The Mysteries of Life
  1. There are questions in life that we can never answer.
  2. There are things in life we can never explain.
  3. There are things in life we can never change. Weeping, worrying etc does not change.
  4. There are things in life we cannot control.
  5. There are things in life we cannot stop - so you make arrangements for it to pass you.
  6. There are things in life we are not responsible for.
  7. There are things in life we cannot exceed. One powerful statement in life is: I DON'T KNOW.
Facing Life
The key to life is:
  • Know your limitations. My limitations keep me peaceful.
  • What is my responsibility? Success in life is when you know what you are responsible for. I cannot blame anyone for something that I decided.
  • What is not my responsibility? God will never, for example, violate our will.
  • What I cannot do. Sometimes you gonna go to jail, to get your anointing. 
  • LET GOD BE GOD. (We have a great temptation to be God.)
    • There are things only God can do.
    • There are things only God knows.
    • There are things only God understands. Don't sweat it. Go to sleep this week.
    • There are things only God can explain. Don't argue with God. 
      • Don't put yourself under unnecessary pressure trying to explain things only God can.
WHAT GOD IS AFTER, IS  STRONG FAITH.
  • My faith is only as strong as the test it survives.
    • You can never brag on your strength unless you test it.
  • What is my motive for following God? My motivation will be destiny. (John 6:24-27)
    • 24 Once the crowd realized that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there, they got into the boats and went to Capernaum in search of Jesus.
      25 When they found him on the other side of the lake, they asked him, “Rabbi,when did you get here?”
      26 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.27 Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life,which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”
  • I allowed this storm to see your reaction. 
  • Whatever I am going through is allowed by God.
  • If my faith is in God, it does not matter what happens around me.
  • Some people can't even survive success!

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