Single Again

Singleness

• Singleness is more important than marriage. Marriage depends on singleness.
• Our culture built us to get along with others. We were trained to focus on other people. That is why we are not equipped to have relationships with others.
• The most important relationship in life should not be inter-personal relationship. It should be intra-personal relationship. You cannot have inter-personal relationship until you have settled the intra-personal relationship. I need to love myself.
• If I don't know and love myself I cannot love another person.
• The most important pursuit in life is self-knowledge. Singleness is about finding myself, loving myself, valuing myself, accepting myself, understanding myself and then appreciating myself so much that I can now share myself with another person.

Some Notes:

1. People think they need to get married to be complete;
2. You don't need to be married to fulfill God's purpose;
3. Get busy fulfilling God's purpose and stop looking for someone to marry;
4. Failure in marriage can derail your purpose;
5. It is better to be unmarried and happy than to be married and depressed.

Divorce

• Don't just get custody of the kids. First get custody of yourself.
• The ultimate trauma in life is divorce (Mal.2:16);
• Divorce is a violent act.
• You don't want to develop a level of bond that you are not responsible for.
• Divorce is traumatic.
• There is no cure for the broken heart. God hates divorce because it creates a wound that no medication can cure. Only a personal encounter with Jesus Christ can heal the broken heart.
• Despite God hating divorce, He still loves the divorcee.
• Divorce is tragic because it is the death of relationship.
• It is impossible to get divorce unless you are married. Marriage is the prerequisite of divorce. Hence singleness is the most important pursuit in life.
• The ingredient determines the product. 
• We want perfection with defects;
• We expect success while building with failure;
• Divorce: something went wrong at the foundation level - the male and female was contaminated.

Marriage

• My marriage is only as good as the single me.
• I bring into the marriage only that which I am a single. No more, no less.
• Whatever I am, I create. 
• It is more important that I bring the best to the relationship. I should work on becoming the best.
• Marriage is like an omelette. It is only as good as the eggs. Omelettes are determined by the quality of the eggs.
• Do not be unequally yoked because you cannot unyoke the individual eggs from the omelette.
• You carry your life with you, so make sure it's one you want to carry.
• If you knew all you know about you, would you marry you?
• Are you the kind of person I can enjoy living with for 90 years?
• What do you have that I can live with forever?
• Take care of your life first.
• Are you a gift or a curse?
• Are you a promotion or a demotion to me?
• What is it that you have that will improve my life?

The Myth of Singleness

• Are you single or merely unmarried?
• To be single should be the goal of even the married because it is the singleness that keeps the marriage together. It is singleness that makes the marriage possible. Marriage is two whole people coming together. If you are not whole and get married to a whole person, you become a parasite. You suck life out of him/her. You use them to try and get complete. You are no longer a blessing; you are a curse.
• Most married people have never been single. Unmarried is a state while singleness is a disposition. It is an assessment of your entity.
• It is OK to be single but not to be "alone".
• Adam did not even know he needed someone. 
• Relationships are for sharing your victories and success with; not to bring on your burdens and depression.
• If you don't need to be married, you are probably ready to be married.
• Love is a decision to share with someone.
• You don't love someone because you need something from them.
• If you are not complete, marriage will expose you.
• Don't use your time looking for somebody, use your time becoming somebody.
• Unity in vision is more important than unity in love.